I Can Do Anything Better Than You
by Ryouko and Himizu
Summary: Sequel to Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better. If the three authors wanna' make it back home, they've got to acheive every demon's dream and win the Dark Tournament...Yeepee I mean Yipee, apparently I can't spell.  R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**_I Can Do Anything Better Than You_**

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters. We also don't own _Fushigi Yugi, Law & Order_,_ C.S.I., _the Monkees, the Blue Jackets, the Mummy movies, Mulan (or any of its characters), _Rurouni Kenshin_, Jeopardy, **Hockey Chronicles**, Major Payne, Mountain Dew, or anything else in here. We own only the teleportation device and the weird weapons we use and are going to take over the world with. But you didn't hear that from us.

**Description & Rating:**

Blackmailed by the Toguros into entering the Dark Tournament, the three authors, Hiei, and Kurama must (literally) fight to stay alive and get home. They encounter every team from the real episodes, including the Virtual Team Urameshi in a final showdown.

Rated PG-13 for minor language and violence, including murder, thievery, gambling, and plotting the overthrow of the Palestinian government. (Just kidding.) Admittedly, there is a lot of Mary Sue in here, but it's funny, not serious. There's nothing about "in bed activities", we are trying to keep a good rating here. It's mostly just silly stuff… oh just read the fic and decide for yourself. Even though nothing will be changed.

And by the way, this is the sequel to Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better, so if you haven't read that yet… WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING THIS?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously, you won't understand a thing unless you read that before reading this, so go read it. Right now. If you already have read it, then congratulations. You actually follow directions.

**Credits:** Written by Himizu

With lots of suggestions and some finishing touches from Ryouko

And some suggestions and criticisms from Kitsune

* * *

**Chapter 1: Dark Tournament Beware**

"Remind me again why the hell we signed up for this adventure?" muttered Himizu furiously as she tramped through a dark woodland alongside Ryouko, Kitsune, Kurama, Hiei, and Hiei's black dragon. She was in a very bad mood, to put it mildly.

"Because if we hadn't, Younger Toguro would have snapped our necks with a pinch of his fingers. Boy, he was mad, wasn't he?" said Kitsune, shuddering slightly.

"And Kurama can't get us out of here, seeing as he doesn't have the equipment," continued Ryouko.

"And our only hope of getting back to our own world is to win the Dark Tournament," Kurama finished patiently. Hiei scowled angrily. Now he was trapped in an alliance with Himizu. What could be worse?

"Great, so we're walking through a freaking forest that's darker then a freaking cave at midnight with bags of freaking stolen clothes…" Himizu paused to glare at Kurama, who looked away. "And we have to go freaking fight a whole bunch more freaking demons and I'm trapped in a freaking alliance with a freaking sadistic fire demon and we're probably all going to get freaking killed anyways, so can it get any freaking worse then this?"

"It could be raining!" said Kitsune brightly. Thunder boomed, lightning flashed, and rain poured down on them in torrents. Himizu peered through the watery curtain that streamed in front of her, smearing her glasses and blinding her. She turned in the general direction of Kitsune.

"I hate you. Keep your mouth shut, will you? Please?" Then Himizu walked into a tree. "Ow! Damn this rain," she muttered furiously, removing her glasses. This was no improvement. With wet glasses, she could see lots of blurs. Without the glasses, she could see vague outlines. Sticking her glasses in her pocket and shuffling her feet, she struggled to stay on the path. Ryouko grabbed her arm and gave her a tug.

"This way Himizu. We'll be on the boat soon."

"A boat. Whoopee! More water. Blah." Himizu made a face. As they walked, Ryouko tripped over a tree root and something wound itself around her leg. Kitsune began to panic, convinced it was a snake.

"Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here snakey! Here snakey snakey!" Then she saw blood on Ryouko's leg. "It's bitten her! It bit her! It bited her! Calm down! Get moving! Call an ambulance! Call the police! Call a scientist! Call Kurama!"

"What did I do?" asked Kurama. Kitsune continued to panic.

"This is terrible! This is awful! This is phantasmagorical! This is--"

"This is nothing to worry about," said Hiei, helping Ryouko to her feet. Then he picked up the thing that had wound itself around Ryouko's leg. "Last time I checked, tree root bites weren't poisonous." Kitsune blushed crimson. It was indeed a slender tree root with a sharp point, which had made a small scratch in Ryouko's leg. Himizu peered up at the overcast sky.

"Well, it seems like half the freaking fun is getting to the freaking boat. Grrrrr, I hate the Toguros. They deserve a fate worse then death," Himizu muttered.

"Agreed," said Ryouko, "but quit your whining already. We're all in this mess just like you. And if I hear you say 'freaking' one more freaking time I'll personally throw you to the sharks. Capeesh?" Amazingly, Himizu stopped talking after that, withdrawing into her own world to contemplate.

"So, do you think we'll see Virtual Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and all those guys at the tournament?" asked Kitsune.

"It's almost certain," Kurama replied. "Yusuke would never pass up a chance to fight a whole bunch of demons. Now that he knows there's a tournament, he'll probably come even though he and his friends weren't threatened since you girls were the ones that beat the Toguro brothers up."

"Yeah, and that was fun. I can't wait to do it again," said Ryouko, rubbing her fists and cracking her knuckles in anticipation. Kitsune sighed.

"Why can't we all just get along?" she wondered aloud.

"It's in our blood. We have to squabble, to fight, to maim and kill. To take out guns and knives and swords and bombs and grenades and blow people apart. To make blood splatter and make the innards of humans and demons alike fly through the air. To hear the tortured screams as they watch their body deteriorate before their very eyes," Himizu muttered. Everyone stared at her, but she seemed almost to be sleepwalking. She walked into another tree and stood staring blankly at the bark an inch from her nose. Ryouko sighed in despair.

"Well, at least she didn't say 'freaking'…Have you ever seen anything more pathetic in your life?" she wondered.

Hiei frowned. "Her descriptions are very… vivid. She seems fascinated by the subject."

Kurama shook his head. "She's crazy."

"And darn it, the House of the Nutcases is back in our world," sighed Ryouko. "And by the way, you forgot 'to lynch', but hey, that's just me." Himizu looked at her, then continued to stare at the tree. Ryouko grabbed her and pulled her back onto the path. "I really hate it when she spaces out like this."

Somehow, the group made it to the boat and they all climbed aboard. Giant and repulsive figures leered at them from all directions. The words "humans", "ningens", "females", and "demon traitors" floated around them. Ryouko rolled her eyes.

"You'd think they'd have something better to do with their lives. Like writing their wills because I am going to kill them all." Hiei nodded his approval at Ryouko's statement.

"Is that wise?" asked Kitsune. "Shouldn't we have Kurama, Hiei, or the dragon do it instead?"

"Technically, Double-D isn't even on our team… but when has that ever stopped me?" asked Ryouko, smiling brightly.

"Do you want to be disqualified before we even get to the island?" demanded Himizu, snapping out of her reverie and searching for a towel for her glasses. Finally she found something, dried her lenses, and replaced her glasses on the bridge of her nose. "Holy son of a…" she gasped, looking at the demons. She turned around and leaned over the boats edge. "And I thought roller coasters were good at making my stomach turn."

"But, don't you agree that Double-D is really Hiei's and my weapon? If Hiei or I command him to kill the demons, then it's perfectly legal. Besides, we're in the land of demons and since when do they play by the rules?" asked Ryouko.

"True that, true that!" exclaimed Kitsune. At that moment, a portly demon, captain of the ship, called for a representative from each team to the upper deck.

"You can kill some if you want to," Ryouko told Hiei as he stalked off, followed closely by his dragon. Hiei grunted.

"Hn."

"What did he say?" asked Ryouko.

Kurama stared in shock at Hiei. "I don't believe it. He said 'thank you'." Ryouko grinned.

Himizu and Kitsune stared at each other. "Hiei said 'thank you'?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Gasp in horror!"

Ryouko stared. "What's so wrong about saying thank you?"

"Nothing," said Himizu. "It's just… I didn't even know that was in Hiei's vocabulary."

"Since when do you know anything?" questioned Ryouko, who quickly ducked as Himizu tried to punch her. Then they both simultaneously drew swords and began to fence. They seemed honestly intent on killing each other, but the other always ducked at the last second and any demons unfortunate enough to be in the path of the sword was killed or wounded. The girls bounded around proceeding to destroy the ship and all occupants. Himizu's sword even found the ship's captain. Hiei looked furious.

"HEY!!!!!! SAVE SOME FOR ME!!!!!!" he yelled, but the girls ignored him and continued to kill demons. Hiei finally drew his own sword and killed every demon within range. Meanwhile, the girls went along killing demons and creating gaping holes in the walls. Kitsune and Kurama looked around with big sweatdrops on their faces. Then the girls' battle took them into the engine room. Kitsune whimpered as she looked at all the dead demons on the boat floor. The ones that had escaped the wrath of the girls and Hiei had jumped into the sea and fled. Suddenly, there was an ominous clanking sound and the two girls came running out of the engine room.

"I think it's gonna blow!" Ryouko hollered. No sooner had she said this, then there was a loud BOOM! Flames and smoke poured out and the girls, Hiei, Kurama, and the dragon were all hurled into the air. They flew for several miles. The whole time, Kitsune was panicking.

"I'M NOT A BIRD, I'M NOT A BIRD!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed hysterically. Then they all landed with loud thumps on the island. Ryouko and Himizu looked at each other.

"The things we do for frequent flyer mileage!" they said together, dissolving into hysterical laughter. Kitsune looked at them.

"WHAT?!?!?!?"

"Oh, didn't we tell you?" asked Himizu.

"Tell me what?" Kitsune demanded.

"That we were going to stage a fight, kill all the demons, and blow up the ship," Ryouko answered, as she and Himizu laughed their heads off.

"You almost got us all killed just so you two could show off!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" yelled Kitsune, sounding furious.

"Well, if you put it that way… YES!" exclaimed Himizu.

"But that wasn't showing off…no one is alive to vouch for it…except you guys, but since when do we try to show off in front of you?" added Ryouko.

"And how did you get the swords?" asked Kitsune. "Did Ryouko bring them?"

"No, actually, I didn't," Ryouko replied. "But we did learn some tricks from Kurama. We stole the swords back in a city while Kurama was stealing clothes for all of us."

Kitsune sighed. "My best friends are criminals. They're thieves."

"You don't know the half of it lady," said Himizu with an evil grin.

Kitsune looked at her. "………."

"Put it this way, we almost got caught by a storekeeper. But the only ones who are going to hear her story are her feet and the fishes," said Ryouko proudly.

"YOU CUT OFF SOMEONE'S HEAD AND THREW THEM IN A LAKE!?!?!?!?!?!" cried Kitsune.

"Actually it was a river…" muttered Himizu. Kitsune sighed.

"What am I going to do with you two???"

"Win the tournament, kick the Toguro's butts, and go home," Himizu answered. "Now, let's find our hotel. I'm bushed."

"So stay here and try to blend with the other bushes," Ryouko said and quickly ran out of Himizu's reach.

Kitsune sighed in despair. "It's going to be a long tournament."

"If you want I can knock you out for all the fights and then this tournament will pass by like a dream." Ryouko smiled as Kitsune glared at her. "Alrighty, guess not. Last one to the hotel is a four-eyed, sadistic dictionary/raccoon, aka Himizu," yelled Ryouko as Himizu got up and began chasing her.

"I think some of the gases from the explosion entered her system. I think it'll be safer to play along," said Kurama as he and Hiei raced up the hill after the two girls, not before he grabbed Kitsune and decided that it'll be quicker to give her a piggy-back ride to the hotel the to stay behind and wait for her to catch up. Indeed, it was going to be a long tournament.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

Ryouko: (writing on a piece of paper) Maybe I should do this? (scratch) No, that's no good. How about this? …Nah. (sigh) What to do, what to do…

Himizu: Whatcha' doin'? (glances at paper) Oh, I see…Ideas for disclaimers. Tough.

Ryouko: I know…I don't wanna' torture you, I've already done disclaimers involving that. I wanna' mix it up a bit. Although it's always fun…

Himizu: (death glare) What about adding new people to our disclaimers?

Ryouko: I thought about that, and I like it, but now the question becomes, what people? People from YYH? People from YYH and other animes? People from shows we watch? Mix them all together? Ahhh, too many decisions!!!

Himizu: That's why you write the disclaimers…

Ryouko: (death glare) So, anything new and interesting happen while I was sitting here pondering?

Himizu: Not really. Paris Hilton is still as dumb as ever, the hip-hop industry is producing even more bad songs as we speak, and someone forgot to remind some people that dressing like human beings was still in fashion.

Ryouko: (sigh) And people wonder why there's no world peace…(light bulb pops over her head) Wait! That's it!

Himizu: What's it?

Ryouko: We'll abduct people we believe should be taught a lesson, and knock some sense into them, literally! And we'll rant about why we don't wanna' own them, and why no one else should wanna' own them, like YYH and all it's characters!

Himizu: That's a great idea! I've got some people I want to start with…But wait, we do wanna' own YYH and all it's characters…

Ryouko: I know, I know. But it's a disclaimer, flow with me here…We do not own YYH or any other anime/t.v. show/thing that might be mentioned here that has a different ownership than our own…And next disclaimer, we'll bring you other people that we don't own, and don't want to own!

Himizu: Yay! So wait for our next disclaimer!!!

Ryouko: And try to enjoy the actual fic while you're at it…

**_Chapter 2: Arguments, Temperature Changes and Room Service_**

Settled in their hotel room, Ryouko, Kitsune, and Himizu unpacked quickly and began to argue over what TV show to watch. Kurama and Hiei sat in chairs as Ryouko made mint tea and Himizu and Kitsune fought over the remote.

"LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Himizu.

"FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Kitsune.

"DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Ryouko.

"LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!"

"FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

"LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!"

"FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

"They're all fools," said Hiei.

"For once, I agree," said Kurama.

"LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!"

"FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

"LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!"

"FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kurama sighed. "They're hopeless."

"Roar. Grrr grr grr," the dragon called sleepily from a corner of the room.

"Oh, be quiet and go to sleep," Ryouko called. The dragon growled angrily.

"Why don't you draw straws?" Kurama finally suggested.

"Ok, ok," the girls muttered. They finally decided to watch Fushigi Yugi, with the decision to watch Law & Order the next night. The one thing that Himizu was not willing to compromise was seeing C.S.I. every Thursday. Once they sorted out the T.V. arrangements, Ryouko passed out mint tea and they all sat down. As Ryouko and Kitsune tried to explain the finer points of the show to the Anime-challenged Himizu, they heard a slight clatter. Ryouko growled suddenly.

"All right," she said, glaring around, "which one of you kleptomaniacs stole my saucer of home-brewed mint tea?"

"Have you been reading my pocket dictionary?" wondered Himizu. "That sounds like something I would say." Ryouko glared at her.

"Listen, I'm trying to find my mint tea. The world must stop spinning and everyone should drop what they're doing and search for my mint tea," Ryouko declared.

Himizu sighed, looked to the left, looked to the right and then said casually, "Oh, Rinku has it. Mystery solved."

"RINKU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" exclaimed Ryouko and Kitsune together.

"Yes, Rinku… RINKU?!?!?!?!!??" squawked Himizu, doing a very classic double take. And indeed, there sat Rinku with Ryouko's cup of mint tea. Standing next to him, leaning casually against the doorframe, stood Zeru. The three girls exchanged looks.

"Two men…" said Himizu.

"That we don't know…" continued Ryouko.

"In our rooms at night…" added Kitsune. Then the girls put their hands on their chests, gasped and slapped the two boys in the faces, yelling,

"PERVERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (slap, slap) Kurama and Hiei looked at each other. -.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Women…" muttered Hiei. (sigh in annoyance)

Zeru rubbed his cheek. "Just as I thought, this team is not to be taken seriously."

"NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" the three girls cried.

"You're just three simple ningen girls. You don't even have any spirit powers."

"That doesn't mean we can't kick butt!" Himizu exclaimed. Zeru looked exceedingly annoyed and (quote on quote) 'turned up the heat'. Himizu immediately began to perspire. "Grrr, get out of here before I really show you fighting," she hissed, wiping her forehead. Zeru smirked and turned to walk out the door.

"We'll see you ladies tomorrow. If you're lucky, I'll let you live to see us win the tournament." Then he and Rinku walked out.

"BS," muttered Himizu under her breath. She stalked to the air conditioner and began cranking it as high as it would go. Frost began to form on the windows and the mint tea began to freeze. Himizu twisted the handle. "Darn it, it won't get any colder. Hey, could somebody give me a hand here? Guys?" She turned around and saw that all of her companions were frozen in blocks of ice. "… Is it too cold for you guys?" Himizu finally asked. No answer. "All right, all right, I'll make it warmer. But don't ask me to turn on the heater." She fiddled with the handle for a moment before settling it at a temperature that was actually above freezing. Ryouko was the first to begin moving. Shuffling stiffly, robot/zombie-fashion, she staggered over to the air conditioner and cranked it back to the temperature it was at before Himizu had begun to mess with it. Then she massaged her freezing limbs and asked Kurama to build an electrical barricade around the air conditioner so Himizu couldn't mess with it. Kurama happily obliged and after several moments, the room returned to normal temperature. Kitsune and Hiei took a while to start moving and the dragon gave them several minutes of fear, especially when Ryouko touched one of the short flames on his body, only to have it break off in her hand. But soon, even he was shuffling around the room trying to get warm. Himizu sulked on a corner of the couch while Ryouko hopped around to get warm. Then a light bulb went on over her head and she ran to the heater and began to crank it up. It didn't take long for Himizu's features to be blurred by sweat. In fact, she almost seemed to be melting. She ran to the heater and cranked it back to its normal position. Then she looked at Kurama, a look that said 'Now put up a barrier before I mangle you.' Kurama did.

"Hopefully," said Kitsune, sounding annoyed, "everyone is satisfied with the temperature because it sure as heck ain't moving."

"If this happens every night, I'm getting a different room, even if I have to kill everyone in this hotel," muttered Hiei under his breath.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just kill _them_?" asked Kurama, inclining his head meaningfully. Kitsune looked outraged.

"KKUURRRAAAMMMMAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled at him.

"It was a rhetorical question, geeze, calm down," muttered Kurama.

"Oh, okay." And Kitsune smiled happily. Then she and Ryouko and Himizu began arguing over their team name.

"We should call ourselves Kitkozu!" yelled Kitsune.

"No, Rysunzu!" yelled Ryouko.

"No, Himyoune!" yelled Himizu.

"You haven't even picked a team name yet!?!?!?!?!?!" gasped Hiei.

"NO!!!!!" the girls all yelled together before continuing the argument.

"No, Kityouzu!" yelled Kitsune.

"No, Ryimne!" yelled Ryouko.

"No, Himsuko!" yelled Himizu. Hiei covered his ears and Kurama turned on the radio. A song by the band 'The Monkees' came on. Ryouko jumped up and began to dance.

"That's it!" she exclaimed. "Let's call ourselves the Monkees!"

"YEAH!!!" yelled Himizu and Kitsune together, jumping up and dancing too, accompanied by singing in loud off-key voices.

"Ho boy," muttered Kurama, turning off the radio and covering his ears. Before long, Ryouko and Himizu were arguing again.

"There are only two beds, two of us girls will have to share," Himizu said.

"No, somebody can kip on the floor. No one ever died from sleeping on a hard surface," Ryouko replied.

"Oh, and we can safely assume that you're volunteering yourself, since you suggested it?" Himizu questioned.

"Well, I demand my own bed," Kitsune said quickly. "You two both drive me crazy."

"Yeah, well same to you, bloody fox," Ryouko snapped irritably. Kurama buried his head in his hands in despair.

"Do you three _ever_ stop arguing?" asked Hiei.

There was silence for several moments as the girls looked at each other, thinking this over. Finally they all looked at Hiei and shook their heads. "NOPE!" they all exclaimed. Then they went back to squabbling over the beds. Finally Kurama seized the hotel phone and shook it under their noses.

"Have any of you ever heard of using the phone to call for an extra bed?!?!?!?!?!?!" he demanded. There was silence for a moment. Then the girls grinned.

"Room service! Ice cream!" they all cried happily. Kurama sighed in despondency. And when Kitsune discovered a foldaway bed under one of the beds, Kurama looked positively suicidal.

"Remind me again why we agreed to come and help them?" he asked Hiei. Hiei glared at him.

"Don't look at me, baka fox. This was your idea, remember. If you hadn't told them about the transportation device in the first place, we wouldn't have had to do _anything_!!!" he snapped. Kurama looked very depressed.

But if he was depressed, the girls were at the opposite end of the globe. They had ordered ice cream from room service and they watched TV until the small hours of the morning, causing Himizu and Ryouko to reminisce about their trip to Washington D.C. with several other eighth graders when they had shared a hotel room and watched Law & Order until midnight every night for three nights. After talking for hours, eating ice cream, and becoming so hyper that they barely knew their own names, the girls finally retired to their room at a very sleepy Kurama's insistence (he had been woken up at least thirty times, maybe more since Kitsune liked to glomp him when she got extra-excited.). It was close to five in the morning, Hiei was giving them death glares now that they had woken him up for the twentieth time, and, as Kurama politely pointed out, their first match was early the next morning at about ten o' clock.

"What would we do without sensible, level-headed, and wise Kurama to guide us?" wondered Kitsune.

"Stay up all night, party until we were senseless, and either totally miss our first match or blow it because we were too tired to stand on our own two feet. Darn it, why did he have to come?" wondered Himizu, her blue eyes sparkling teasingly.

"I wonder," muttered Ryouko sarcastically, but she too was grinning. They finally did go to bed, eager for the next day and their first match to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

Ryouko puts up poster of Paris Hilton as Himizu walks in.

Himizu: AHHH!!! My eyes!!! They burn!!! (rub rub) Wait a minute…Didn't we say that we were going to abduct these people?

Ryouko: Yeah, but think about this for a second. Do you wanna' touch her?

Himizu:…Good point.

Ryouko: Not to mention what stupidity of that kind will do to our already unstable sanity if we stay more than five seconds with…that. (points at poster)

Himizu: Another good point. You're just full of them today.

Ryouko: Sank you. :)

Himizu: So, why we don't want to own PH…do I even need to answer that question? She's dumber than a brick, she portrays herself as a s#$t (I'll let you fill in the blanks), and she's the most spoiled brat on the planet.

Ryouko: I wonder if she was born stupid or if it's from years of bleaching her hair that her already small brain just got bleached with it…And we won't even go into that drunk driving incident. If there were any justice in the world, she would've still been in jail. I just hope the next time she drives drunk (and she's dumb enough and selfish enough to do it again) there won't be an innocent person in front of her bumper.

Himizu: We could go on, but then I'm afraid this disclaimer would never end. If you still wanna' own her after this…at your own risk. This is our opinion and we're probably not changing it any time soon. And we also don't own YYH, it's characters, or anything else that's not ours in here, FYI.

Ryouko: Yep yep, we just write about them. And you get to read what we right about them. Enjoy. :)

**_Chapter 3: Kitsune Vs. Rinku_**

It was almost ten o' clock and the three girls, Kurama, Hiei, and the dragon were heading towards the stadium. The boys and dragon were all wide-awake while the girls walked in a row with one of them occasionally falling asleep on the shoulders of another.

"I warned you, didn't I?" said Kurama as they stumbled for the umpteenth time. "I told you to get plenty of sleep, but did you listen?"

"Why would we freaking listen to you?" wondered Himizu, rubbing her eyes. "If I'd had my freaking way, we'd have partied until freaking dawn. Then we wouldn't have been freaking sleeping when we had to freaking wake up and we wouldn't be so freaking tired."

Kurama sighed. "If everyone listened to your logic, the world would be in a very sorry state indeed."

"It's already in a freaking sorry state, I couldn't possibly make it freaking worse," Himizu retorted, yawning for what felt like the thousandth time.

"What'd we say about the word 'freaking'?" said Ryouko as she lamely slapped Himizu on the head while simultaneously falling asleep on her shoulder.

Kurama quickened his pace. Why did he even bother trying to have reasonable discussions with any of them, especially when they were tired?

As they walked into the stadium, they heard the yells and cheers raining down. Then they heard Koto's voice calling out,

"Welcome to the Dark Tournament! The first match is between Team Rokuuki and Team Monkee! Will the two teams please step forward?"

Cheers erupted for Team Rokuuki and boos rained down for Team Monkee. Himizu looked disgusted.

"We're some of the few fighters here who could actually whip this whole stadium into shape, and they're booing us. Figures, doesn't it?"

"What exactly did you expect? A welcome party with milk and cookies?" Ryouko asked as they joined Kitsune in singing,

"Hey hey, we're the Monkees! People say we monkey around! But we're too busy singin', to put anybody down!!!" Then the three girls began to dance out into the arena, Ryouko balancing a CD player connected to a boom box, which blared out the melody. Kurama and Hiei slunk along behind them wearing dark-colored hoods. The dragon bobbed his head from side to side in time to the rhythm. After a few moments, Kitsune jerked off the hood that Kurama was wearing and cried,

"Come on Kurama, let's dance!" Kurama tried to protest, but to no avail. Ryouko and Himizu tugged off Hiei's hood and immediately began to laugh at his hair, which had been flattened into an afro-style. Hiei quickly massaged his hair until it stood straight up and darted quickly away from them. Kurama also broke free and stole the batteries from the CD player. The girls all laughed cheerfully at their little performance before finally following proper tradition and walking up to the ring.

The two teams walked into the ring and stood in a line, facing each other. Himizu, Kitsune, and Ryouko stood slightly in front of Kurama and Hiei, the dragon remained outside the ring.

"Who's that?" asked Rinku, looking at the dragon. Hiei glared down at Rinku.

"My weapon."

Himizu, who was standing closest to Koto, seemed very uncomfortable. Her eyes were watering and her nose was twitching. She brushed her nose furiously as Kitsune negotiated, using all her talents as a lawyer.

"We fight everyone on your team that's willing to fight. The first team that cannot or will not yield any more fighters will be declared the loser," she suggested.

"What's wrong with a set number of fights?" demanded Zeru.

"Do you want to deprive your fans the opportunity to see your team fight, especially since this is the first, last, and only round your team will be completing in?" asked Kitsune.

"Why you little-!" Zeru exclaimed, making a grab for her. Kitsune didn't move, but Koto intervened.

"You know the rules, Zeru, you're not allowed to attack a person from the other team during negotiations. Have both teams reached an agreement?"

"Why not? Let's play their little game and send them back to wherever they came from," said Zeru, sounding furious.

"Actually, that's freaking why we're freaking playing in this freaking tournament! You think we're freaking here because we freaking want to be?!?!?!" demanded Himizu.

"What is it with you? Do you eat a big bowl of Freakings every morning or something?" demanded Ryouko.

"No, I'm just pissed," Himizu replied.

"You're always pissed. If you want to be something you never are, be quiet," Kitsune growled. "Come on, let's go."

"Will the first fighters please step forward?" called Koto. Rinku scuttled forward. The three girls looked at each other.

"I'll do it, I guess. We're both acrobats, in a way," Kitsune finally said. Then she bounded into the ring, with an extra mid-air pirouette.

"No, you're a dancer!" Ryouko yelled after her as both combatants drew their weapons. Rinku's choice was a pair of yo-yos, while Kitsune opted for a pair of long slender ribbons. They were each longer then two Kuwabaras were tall and a pale pink color. She drew them out with a flourish and twirled them once before allowing them to float gently to her side. Hiei's eyes narrowed in scorn.

"A pair of ribbons. You're going to defeat him with a pair of ribbons," he said slowly, as though asking if anyone else saw anything wrong with that.

"Not just _any_ ribbons, my special pink ribbons," Kitsune proclaimed proudly.

"Big whoop," Hiei muttered, rolling his eyes. Kitsune gave him a death glare and flicked one of those giant ribbons in his direction. They spot it touched began to bleed. Hiei stared first at the gash on his arm, then at the ribbon. Kitsune whirled it around over her head.

"There are hundreds of metal shards sewn into the ribbons. Anything they touch are cut open if they're soft and scratched if they're hard. They can be very deadly if I wish for them to be. So… don't mess with me!" Everyone sweatdropped, except for Himizu.

"Oh, does this mean I'm not allowed to make fun of your obsessive love life any more? Darn, what am I going to do with _my_ life now?" she said with a cocky teasing grin. Kitsune growled angrily and rubbed the soft-looking leather grip at the bottom of the ribbon. Meanwhile Ryouko grabbed the end of the ribbon and began examining it.

"I like them a lot. Suit you very much. Only thing I'd change is the Barbie color…" Kitsune looked like she was ready to cut Ryouko's head off when Koto raised her arm.

"Let the first match of the Dark Tournament begin!" she called out as the demon audience cheered. Kitsune didn't move, but Rinku took off, bouncing around rapidly until he was nothing but a blur. Kitsune waited for a moment before she also leaped into the air, following his movements perfectly as though following a pre-choreographed routine. She also twirled her ribbons around her until the audience was certain they would cut right through her body. But they never touched her and she continued to follow Rinku's movements. He tried to change patterns, but now that she was dancing, Kitsune could follow anything. When he sent one of his yo-yos at her, she simply ducked and sent a ribbon at him. The slash nicked his hand, she was being kind and giving him another chance, which annoyed Himizu to no end.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN!?!?!?!?!?!? THIS IS THE DARK TOURNAMENT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO FOR THE KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO DO TO YOU IF YOU LET YOUR GUARD DOWN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HE'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T KILL HIM FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled.

"Himizu, that's Rinku you're talking about. He turned out nice in the end," Ryouko said.

"Yeah, after the match was over. It's not like he has a clue who we are, just like Chuu, Jin, and Touya won't have a clue who we are when we fight them," Himizu retorted. Ryouko didn't respond. Kitsune flinched slightly at Himizu's words.

"What are you saying Himizu?!?!?!? I can't do that!!!!!" she protested.

"Stupid dancer," grumbled Himizu. "She'll die, sure as heck."

"She can't die in a fight," Ryouko protested. "Dancers die of heart problems…"

"Or strokes…" agreed Himizu.

"Or car crashes…"

"Or cancer…"

"Or they have high cholesterol and they're driving in a car…"

"And friends call them on their cell phones and tell them that they have cancer…"

"And then the dancer freaks out and has a heart attack…"

"And crashes the car into a tree and dies…" Both girls looked at each other, pulled out white roses, and bowed their heads. Kitsune sweatdropped.

"… I'm not dead yet…" she said slowly.

"Oh, that's right, you're not. Darn," said Ryouko, snapping her fingers. Kitsune scowled and flicked her ribbon harder then she meant to, gashing Rinku horribly across the chest. Rinku cried out in pain and his yo-yos flew through the air, slamming into the ground only feet from where Himizu and Ryouko were standing. Both girls were sent flying by the force and they slammed into the low wall keeping the fans away from the teams. They lay on the ground, apparently dead. Kurama winced and he and Hiei hurried over to their fallen teammates. They arrived just in time to hear Himizu speak.

"Ryouko, are we dead?" she asked. Ryouko screamed.

"AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! TALKING DEAD PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled. Himizu sat up and looked around.

"What?!?!?! Where!?!?!?!?!?" she cried, sounding very interested. Ryouko screamed again, pointing towards Himizu and staring wildly.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOVING TALKING DEAD PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried. Himizu looked behind her, then at herself.

"Are you talking about me?" she asked finally. Ryouko screamed again.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! IT'S TALKING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled. Himizu sweatdropped.

"Ryouko, I don't think I'm dead. Unless you are too…" She paused, then screamed too. "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked. Hiei grabbed both of them by their hair and banged their heads together.

"Bakas. Neither of you are dead, but if you don't shut up and act sensibly, then you will both be dead, courtesy of me and my katana," he said as the two girls backed away from each other, clutching their heads in pain. "Hard-headed morons," Hiei grumbled, watching them massage their scalps. "You deserved that, and a lot worse," he added as they glared at him.

"Hiei," said Kurama reproachfully. Hiei glared at Kurama before withdrawing into sulky silence, but there was nothing unusual about that, so no one cared.

Meanwhile, Rinku had fallen to the ground and was using his energy to heal the wound in his chest. Kitsune stopped her dance and stood watching him. She started to relax her hold on her ribbons, but Himizu saw her.

"Remember what happened to Kuwabara when he let his guard down!!!!!!" she yelled to her friend. Kitsune took those words to heart and quickly tightened her grip. And it was a good thing she did, because Rinku, in a desperate move, sent his yo-yos flying towards her. Kitsune was hard pressed to keep the yo-yos at bay, but somehow she did. Soon, nothing was visible but flashing blurs. Ribbons and yo-yos were totally intertwined and indistinguishable from each other. Finally, the ribbons and yo-yos were moving more slowly, then they fell to the ground as both fighters gasped for breath. As soon as she had regained her breath, Kitsune ran over to Rinku and hugged him.

"You're very skilled with those yo-yos, Rinku. I feel honored to be fighting you," she said, still hugging him.

Himizu sweatdropped. "Remind me again why we let her fight him," she said finally.

Ryouko shrugged. "I dunno. Would you rather _you_ have fought him?" she replied at last. Himizu blinked.

"… Guess not…" she said at last.

"I rest my case then," remarked Ryouko with another shrug.

"… You're not even a lawyer," Himizu pointed out. Ryouko sighed.

"But I am a Polish Jew…Sorry, a little Jewish/Nazi humor there…You know what, forget it. Forget we ever started this conversation," she said, chuckling at her private joke. Meanwhile, Rinku had developed a very nasty twitch.

"Girl… hugging… cooties… AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, running out of the ring and hiding behind the other members of his team. Kitsune looked around in confusion.

"Where'd her go? WHY'D he go?" she wondered aloud. Koto stood still for a moment, blinking and trying to absorb what was happening before she remembered her duty as referee and started the ten-count.

"TEN… NINE… EIGHT… SEVEN… SIX… FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE! AND THE WINNER IS KITSUNE AND TEAM MONKEE!!!" she hollered. The air was quickly filled with boos and hisses. Kitsune bowed gracefully, scooped up her ribbons, and bounced gracefully out of the ring. Himizu frowned disapprovingly.

"Geeze Kits, did you have to traumatize the poor boy so much???" she asked.

"And just a moment ago you were telling her to kill him…" Ryouko muttered.

Looking at Kitsune's outraged face, Himizu grinned. "I'm teasing, you know that. But still, you couldn't help yourself, could you? Kurama's gonna get jealous if you're not careful." Kitsune gasped in horror and ran to Kurama, hugging him tightly.

"Don't get jealous, I couldn't help myself, he's just a cute little kid, I don't love anyone in the world half as much as I love you!!!! Please don't get jealous, please!!!!!" she cried.

"No…worries…" gasped Kurama.

"After all, where there's no affection, how can there be jealousy?" muttered Hiei under his breath. Luckily for him, Kitsune didn't hear, though Ryouko and Himizu giggled.


End file.
